You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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