I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
