Cold hands, warm shart.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
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I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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