i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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