she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
