Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
