3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
