We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
