I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
