Say something about gay babies.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
