i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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