she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
