I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
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I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
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I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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