can we get nightvision for the apartment?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
