you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
