Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
