So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
