apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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