you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
