I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
