brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
