Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just come out here and I will go home with you...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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