i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
