Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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