party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
