need another drink. this is the easiest way
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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