My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
