We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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