is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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