I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
