The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
