mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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