Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
