i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
