so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
