If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
