Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
