Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
