Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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