my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
