It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
