I should be sponsored by Trojan
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
