So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
