and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
