I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
