Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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