it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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