If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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