I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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