My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
