I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
