I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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