in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
