I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
