I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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