Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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