I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
