i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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