I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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