Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
