dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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