as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize