i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
