My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Panties = found
Randomize
