i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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