We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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