when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
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