And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
