yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
